losing goodness from heart perspective

So, Last week was rough.

I know. I know. We started school and a whole new schedule.

Well. I should have known but…

I just didn’t think that the transition should be rough… I mean come on! I had thought through everything.  This made it worse. I didn’t expect it...

You see, I am one who likes to figure it all out.  The problem with THAT, is when I plan the best I can and am thrown a curve ball… I tend to freak out first and then adjust.

You would think with 3 kids so close together I would get used to the curve balls. Because oh my goodness, we get LOTS of curve balls. Sometimes I do well until the 10^th curve ball comes. I freak out and then adjust. And then my kids follow suit. So last week we had some pretty high strung Daldo’s.

The peek was following the 3^rd afternoon of school. It had already been 2 rough days so I was tired and stressed.  This particular afternoon was turning into drama city. We had just got home from school, I was taking care of laundry and we were all upstairs…

I asked Ethan to change his clothes which turned into a full on melt down and tantrum, as he told me falling on his knees yelling like a crazed person “I am NOT going to do it!!”
Jace (who hadn’t napped and was crying about pretty much everything) couldn’t get his train to switch on and started screaming, threw it and then himself on the floor yelling “it’s not working, it’s not working!!”

Ava… feisty little girl decided that she didn’t like all this attention the boys were getting, so then proceeded to through herself  wrapped around my feet half yelling and crying “mama, mama, mama”.

I know it’s probably a hilarious picture. I told this story to friends last week and they were in hysterics laughing.

There are moments as a mom where I have no idea what on earth to do. This was one. I started to try to talk but they were all feeding off of each other’s craziness and no one could even hear me talk.

And so I took Ethan by the hand and said “YOU come with me”. (To which he kept saying “what are you going to do? What are you going to do?!!” I walked him to his room and closed the door.
I took Jace by the hand and did the same.

And then dear Ava, I picked her up legs kicking, placed her in her room and said “not fun!”

And then I sat in the hallway listening to them all scream and I cried.

I cried and I cried. There had/has been a lot going on with Brent at work and in our lives. Through my sobs I told God I can’t do this. I am raising crazy children. I am so tired. How on earth am I supposed to prepare these kids to be world changers? How on earth can I be who I am suppose to be as a wife, a mom, a neighbor, a friend who lives from heavens perspective?

I sat there (crying…) saying in my heart—NO. NO. NO. I refuse to give in to earth’s frustration and stresses only to lose out heavens realities becoming known in my life and all around me. I refuse to accept a negative perspective. This kingdom of God inside of me, I want it to be real. It has to be real in my life.

And somehow I pulled myself together, went into each other their rooms and talked and worked through each issue. Then we moved on.

Over the next few days, I problem solved and tried to work through some of the issues we were having (problem solving=one of the greatest things my husband has taught me). I talked to a few moms for support/help, Brent & I talked through many things and there remain oh, so many areas we are seeking the Lord about as well.

Someone sent me a text the other day and asked how things were going as I had reached out to a few people for prayer... I replied "I am feeling more centered and less chaotic". And I realized something like a lightbulb. It was as I recentered my heart and focus on goodness, things in my life followed suit.

Yesterday on the way to school Ethan & Jace were being grumpy and so I had this brilliant idea. “I want you to talk about all the good things about today until your heart changes”.

“I don’t want to.” Ethan replied.

He would say that.

"OK, I will start." I replied.

And I started. And soon they began to giggle. and started to join in. We prayed and God's presence filled the van. yes, the cool mini van that I love driving oh so much. hahaha

I cannot tell you how much I have been learning that “as a man thinks in his heart, so he is” (proverbs 23:7). Change your thoughts, change your life.

I said to the boys last night, Hey- are you being awesome? Because God made you to be awesome. Is that awesome?

“Nope.” They replied.

“Ok, well go be awesome Jace and awesome Ethan.”

positive parenting vs negative SOOO powerful. I will save that blog for later.

It’s so easy to lose heart. It’s so easy for circumstances to change our perspective and then we start being negative. Then everything around us becomes negative.

Perspective of the heart is key. It changes everything. Offer the pain, the frustration- whatever it is in your life. Offer it to God and ask him to change your perspective back to goodness, to greatness. Work on changing your heart perspective on the inside and then watch things unfold in your life.

Ps. 27….

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
         That I would see the goodness of the LORD
         In the land of the living.
         Wait on the LORD;
         Be of good courage,
         And He shall strengthen your heart;
         Wait, I say, on the LORD!