I recently watched The Kings Speech.
Wow.
I loved the movie on so many levels. It was brilliantly created. Who would have thought a movie about a speech problem could be so captivating? I laughed, cried and couldn’t stop watching.
What captivated me the most about the film was what actually created his speech problem. It was directly linked back to his childhood.
This has become a fascinating topic for me… childhood development. I think my perfect job would be something in that area. I have always loved kids and basically worked with them my whole life on some level. I have learned SOOO much this last year from all my reading to gain help raising my kids (see here). It amazes me the gravity of change in a child based on their environment. In addition, I have always found psychology interesting. But, I also… find it a bit annoying. I tend to be a “just get over it and move on” type of person. But after dealing with some stuff in my own life and watching others deal with their “stuff”, I have learned, through time, to be more of a “be honest with yourself, dig it out, deal with it (with the holy spirit) and THEN move on” type of person. J
I am currently taking a class at our church called “Elijah house”… it’s kind of a Christian spin on psychology but focuses on God’s presence doing on the healing. Sometimes in the class I get really overwhelmed at the amount and depth of pain people have had to deal with in their lives.
So anyway, back to the movie… the basic root of the speech issue was linked back to his childhood involving his relationship with a nanny and then with his father. The movie developed to show how the friendship of a therapist ended up opening up the royal families past and the “king” was able to be vulnerable, gaining a lot of ground. It wasn’t a quick fix… he struggled every step of the way.
One of the things I struggle with as a parent is accepting my humanity and my children’s. Maybe this is something you don’t struggle with… I didn’t that much until I had 3 little ones. Now where I once thought I was a patient person, I have found myself majorly stretched. Brent and I were just talking the other day about how we struggle when our kids mess up; we somehow think that raising good Christian kids means they should act perfect most of the time. God forbid I go out in public and they mess up!!!! What an awful parent everyone will think I am.
I think we are so wacked out in our thinking that it creates fear and frustration when they mess up. Perfection is NOT the goal. I will tell you something else that is NOT my goal… kids who are afraid of me punishing them so they do whatever I say. Definitely not a goal. I want to create a safe place for my kids to grow and learn with healthy boundaries- THAT is my goal. Some days they are going to screw up and that is not always a barometer of how good of a parent I am.
If my kids do mess up, the first thing I need to do is check on my connection to my kids. Do they have fun with me and feel loved? I didn’t ask if I love them and do fun things for them. Do they feel these things? Then I make sure my boundaries are clear, my kids feel empowered to make choices and not controlled. I also need to make sure that consequences are lovingly followed through on.
After all that, I am trying to learn to accept the mess ups… Because, hello, my kids are going to mess up! Probably every day. I should expect it. I should embrace it. I need to have patience for that… they are learning, growing. You know, like James says... "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Or you know like in Romans 5 "...we also rejoice in sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
I should rejoice that they have an opportunity to be stretched and grow. I should NOT be disappointed in them… I should consider this my time to help teach them how to clean up their mess and hopefully learn how to avoid it next time. Learning to avoid it doesn’t mean that they mindlessly listen to whatever I command them to do.
When we get disappointed, angry, or upset at how our kids act- we usually respond in a way that destroys some of our heart to heart connection to them. It is ultimately these things that give issues to our kids on many different levels. Frederick Douglass said "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." You can see an extreme example of this in “The Kings Speech” from his caretaker and parents.
I recently read that “if you want to know how your child is going to be as an adult it’s not their IQ or their responsibility level but 90% how they learn handle relationships from the age’s newborn-5”.
It’s all about how the learn to handle, communicate, develop, problem solve and relate in relationships that will make them who they are as adults. Somehow that makes sense to me. Because life is ALL about relationships. Who do they learn from relating the most? Us. And then everyone else in their life.
This has made me focus very intently on social skills (especially with Ethan, my introvert. He said Hi to 5 people at church on Sunday. I almost fell over), I am strongly aware that I always need to make things right with them if I mess up and my main focus is on my heart connection with them and their heart connection with everyone in the family.
Being a good mom doesn’t mean that every day is great.
Being a good mom doesn’t mean you have all the answers
Being a good mom doesn’t mean you are perfect.
Being a good mom doesn’t mean you have it all together.
It means you are AWARE, aware of you, aware of your kids, of your and their relationships, of what’s going on in your and their lives. Embrace your humanity and that you are not perfect but on a journey. Look until you find the right tools to help or fix your situation. The Holy Spirit is a GREAT help with all this.
And above all, keep the main thing at the center… your relationship with your child and their relationships with others.
All that from the Kings speech.
I know I am a weirdo. I am comfortable with that label.
